Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

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Editorial Reviews:

Product Description
Based upon Ephesians 5:33 and extensive biblical and psychological research, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs reveals the power of unconditional love and unconditional respect and how husbands and wives can reap the benefits of marriage that God intended.

Customer Reviews: Read 237 more reviews...

5 out of 5 stars

Only on Chapter 2 - But Know It Is A Must Read December 2, 2004
116 out of 134 found this review helpful

This book was recommended to us by our counselor. She is recommending it to every single one of the couples she counsels or has counseled. That's how much she believes in this book. My husband and I read the introduction and knew right away that it was going to help us build a stronger foundation and have a better marriage. The concept is so simple - he needs respect and she needs to know she's loved - but you'll have an A-HA moment and know that it's so very true. The book will feel like it's talking directly to you. Every couple should read this book - happy couples and couples in trouble.

5 out of 5 stars

THIS IS A MUST READ!! November 1, 2004
95 out of 111 found this review helpful

Love and Respect is one of the finest books I have read on the topic of male female communication. As this book gains more and more exposure it will go down as a must own in Christian marriage counseling. Not only did I order the book, but I also ordered the 9 cd set on the same topic and the workbooks "Motivating Your Man God's Way. I am a single living in New York and this book contains tremendous material for singles that will prove to be invaluable once they get married. I have taught much of the content in our bible studies. The purchasing of this book may be the single greatest investment you can man make to learn about the opposite sex, and have a God centered marriage.

5 out of 5 stars

Highly recommended October 8, 2004
64 out of 71 found this review helpful

A marvelous book that far surpasses earlier Christian (e.g., His Needs, Her Needs) and secular (e.g., Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) treatments of the topic. While other books have identified a variety of gender-based psychological and biological differences, Dr. Eggerich provides a framework (Love/Respect) that is beautiful for both its simplicity and its ability to explain these gender differences as part of God's plan for men, women, and marriage.

Some reviewers will undoubtedly write-off the book as full of "sexist stereotypes." In contrast, I found the book to reveal profound truths that are just as relevant to someone like me - a professor at a major university who would describe her marriage as "egalitarian" - as to women who have chosen more traditional roles.

1 out of 5 stars

A huge caution! August 27, 2005
61 out of 101 found this review helpful

I just finished the DVD series that goes with this book, and there are some things that are very wrong. While there are good insights to be found here, and for some people this is what they need, this is not the one great answer to most or all marriage failures.

Cautions before reading:

1. There is no one answer; no "one size fits all" marriage counseling that will cure most problems. Love and respect are always part of every marriage, but they are not the only issues involved.

2. BE CAREFUL of anyone who says that he has found what no one else has found, or that he is the lone voice telling the truth. Really? No one in church history has seen this? No one in the past 45 years has had the correct emphesis? All marriage counseling and all marriage books up until this book are wrong and you alone have the truth? Are you invalidating every other counselor and all other teaching? Is that the best God can do - one lone voice? Is everyone else wrong and this teaching right? That sounds cultic.

3. Be careful with the teaching of anyone who needs to repeatedly tell you how big a ministry he has and therefore how great he is. In the videos there were repeated statements about the size of the group or status of the people to whom he spoke. Why was that needed? Isn't the message its own validation? Or was it a need to validate himself?

Again, there are good insights into men and women here, and for some people this is just what they need; but not for all. And no one should take all that one man says as the lone message of truth. In a message like that there is error mixed in.

1 out of 5 stars

Christian? May 12, 2006
53 out of 104 found this review helpful

If you have read the title, you have read the book. Men need respect. Women need love. Both have difficulty communicating with each other because of gender differences. Therefore, both need their needs met as well as a cross-gender communication course. The reader is given three needs and a problem as the root cause of marital discord. Taken as popular psychology, this reviewer would simply dismiss Love and Respect as such. Modern psychology is, after all, based on determinism, needs-fulfillment and human-centered solutions to human problems: fulfill the need and solve the problem. Love and Respect falls directly into this genre. In this context, some of Love and Respect can be useful.

However, Eggerichs presents his treatise as Christian and conducts (Christian) seminars nationwide, mostly through the sponsorship of evangelical churches and parachurches. If Love and Respect fits the popular psychology model, how then is it Christian? Or, can it be both (pagan/pop-psychology and Christian)? The answer would have to be found in Paul's letter to the Ephesians (Ephesians 5: 22-33), upon which Eggerichs purports to base Love and Respect. Deference should also be paid to the entire Bible as well.

For this reviewer, the answer is "no." Love and Respect is not Christian. By adding, "need/s" to the treatise (page 15, paperback), which implies a "need state" and by trying to integrate communication theory with God's word, Eggerichs takes his work out of the Bible and out of orthodox Christianity (and into popular psychology). On page 17, he talks about "primary needs." There is not one word on one page of the entire Bible which affirms that man has a "need state" other than for God, His Son, Jesus Christ, and His redemption. Secondarily, God recognizes a "need" in man for woman (and vice versa), especially for companionship. (See Genesis 2: 18.) This is not to say that we do not have needs. (Jesus himself wept and got hungry, thirsty and tired.) However, what might be called a need state, in the Bible is associated with idolatry, lusting and sin. (See Isaiah 9: 20: On the right they will devour but still be hungry; on the left they will eat but not be satisfied.) A human being will never be satisfied outside of Christ Jesus and His redemption. This is the very point that Paul is making in Ephesians as he encourages the church to rejoice and "put on" the new life in Christ.

The section in Ephesians for wives and husbands, which Eggerichs references, is a verb: it is about a fulfilled state of having received Grace, which enables one to act upon this Divine gift and put on the new self. The issues of submission for wives and sacrificial love for husbands flow from the new, true and hidden self in Christ. The entire point is that we no longer have needs only (lusts, idols and active sin) based in the (sinful) flesh. Putting needs back into the equation is a subtly false teaching and work of the anti-Christ to lead Christians away from renouncing sin, receiving and putting on new life in Christ and relying on His redemptive power. While a false palaver may appease sin (flesh-based needs) for a while, sooner or later this will wear off; sin will return and one will be resentful, angry and bitter that one's "needs" (for love or respect) were not met by one's spouse. The door is then open for Satan to tempt a break in relationship.

It is important to note that Eggerich never mentions sin and the need for repentance. He barely mentions Jesus and spends most of the time weaving a mix of secular psychology and biblical references, which are presented out of context.

As for communication issues, when one is "alive to Christ" (as boldly declared in Ephesians) and Spirit-filled, one communicates in love and Spirit. A whole new way of comprehending each other and communicating is opened. (See Acts 2: 7) In essence, communication problems between married partners (man and wife/male and female) have been solved (if we so choose the solution). Once again, by attempting to mix-in pagan communication theory, the anti-Christ gains a toe-hold in undoing this powerful reality and healing of the Holy Spirit.

Having given Love and Respect a fair read, I urge all church leaders to reconsider their unabashed support of this treatise. At best, Love and Respect should stay where it rightly belongs, which is within the ranks of pagan, popular psychology.

In addition, this reviewer encourages all Christian brothers and sisters to keep solely within the Bible to solve all of your marriage problems. The psychology offered by the Holy Spirit through Paul in all of his letters is frankly awesome. I would additionally recommend reading Jay Adams: Solving Marriage Problems, which stays squarely in the word of God.

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