Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex

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Editorial Reviews:

Product Description
Intimate Issues answers the twenty-one questions about sex most frequently asked by Christian wives, as determined by a nationwide poll of over one thousand women. Written from the perspective of two mature Christian wives and Bible teachers–women who you’ll come to know as teachers and friends–Intimate Issues is biblical and informative: sometimes humorous, other times practical, but always honest. Through its solid teaching warm testimonials, scriptural insights, and experts’ advise, you’ll find resolution for your questions and fears, surprising insights about God’s perspective on sex, and a variety of practical and creative ideas for enhancing your physical relationship with the husband you love.

With warmth and wisdom, authors Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus speak woman to woman: examining the teachings of Scripture, exposing the lies of the world, and offering real hope that every woman’s marriage relationship can become all it was intended to be in God’s design.

Customer Reviews: Read 54 more reviews...

4 out of 5 stars

My wife and I like this book December 1, 2004
114 out of 119 found this review helpful

Okay, I'm not woman; but my wife is, and we both read and liked this book. Here's our combined review:

Pros:
1. Easy to read - Conversational style of writing and clear points. We each read it in one sitting.

2. Adults only - Sometimes a grown-up discussion is required. This is a book for married women (and men). It is explicit and direct (without being crude) about physical sexual information. It is definitely not appropriate for girls (or boys).

3. Scriptural approach - Instead of just giving motherly advice, the authors take the Bible seriously and frequently use it as a home base to direct their thoughts. Mind you, this is not a Bible study per se'. There is plenty of 21st century, frank counseling advice, but it is blended and based upon Biblical principles. Provides a scriptural index to locate where specific passages are mentioned - useful to Bible teachers.

4. Practical - Lots of ideas for rekindling relationship, romance, plain sex and other aspects of adult relationship. These are ideas you can start this week.

5. Both authors relate from personal experience - Both have personally wrestled with sexual questions and counseled many women. These personal accounts add a human dimension to the principles discussed. This isn't just another "name it and claim it" woman's book. Many personal stories are provided including tough ones where women are still struggling/praying through difficulties. This book explains their stories.

6. Focuses on Song of Solomon - The erotic portions of the Song indicate an expressive, sensuous, even adventurous attitude in romantic sexuality. These authors aren't the first to recognize its racy sections - which has led the church to skate around it in too many cases. It is part of God's word and has a purpose; this book helps illuminate the subject.

7. Good tool for adult couple communication - The frankness and openness from a woman's perspective is valuable to both men and women. This is not just another "men are pigs and need to change" woman's book. Men can learn quite a bit here without being put-off.

8. Emphasizes prayer - Example prayers to help with feelings of sexual inadequacy and temptation.

9. Role of Christian liberty - Scripture sets the boundaries of proper sexuality, don't just rely on Victorian era prudence. There is no compromise if the Scripture forbids certain practices, but there is responsible liberty where Scripture is silent. Provides 3 Biblical questions to ask if you aren't sure whether specific modern sexual practices belong in your marriage, (p203).

10. Men - Accurately describes male sexual needs and psyche - basic, but accurate.

11. Exercise - the physiological benefits for healthy sexuality are briefly explained. Encourages women to take care of, and appreciate, their bodies as they are right now. Don't try to be a supermodel.

Cons/concerns:

1.More insight into males - Needs more insight into male sexuality; men are half the equation. It is a women's book and does mention men have emotion and identity wrapped up in sex, but it does not provide enough examples of how this can affect common male-female relationship problems. The Scriptures showing how David, Joseph (of Genesis) and others handled, and mishandled, sex would be consistent with the books' approach, but are not discussed. Of course there are page limits for writers.

2. Lays a lot at the woman's feet - It's definitely not just another "men are pigs" book - there are already plenty of those. In fact, a feminist would likely critique this book for telling women to see sex with their husband as a pleasant responsibility in marriage. If it's not pleasant this is probably rooted in a spiritual issue. The book does not try to make women sex slaves in marriage, far from it. But, there are times when sex is treated as a ministry to your husband because he has so much emotion and expressive love tied up in sex, more so than women do. This may not sit well with some women; it will probably sit just fine with most men ;->.

3. Forcing modern openness about sex into the Bible? - Some conservatives might criticize the book for reading 20th century women's sexual liberation back into the Scriptures. There are some very explicit interpretations, especially in the Song of Solomon. Of course, the physical acts weren't invented recently; they may just get more attention now than in ancient times, or, maybe not. At the very least, the motive of the authors seems proper to me. Their interpretation is a corrective to the hyper prudence and stifling of healthy marital sexuality, within the Church, for many centuries. There are some risk-taking interpretations - and I think they have merit to at least be seriously considered. You'll have to read the book and decide for yourself.

5 out of 5 stars

Read The Book! Do'nt Become Another Statistic! July 27, 2000
78 out of 88 found this review helpful

I belong to a Bible study that is reading this book. What an amazing time it has been to fully ingest God's word and understand WHY HE created sex in the first place. Our views of sex have gone from to procreate to do it whenever and where ever with whom ever you want. I think that many of us Americans can say we tried that and what did it get us but some mixed up emotions and feeling in some ways used up? Was it all it was cracked up to be? Perhaps it wasn't all it was cracked up to be because we weren't going about it in the way it was planned in the first place. I always thought Christians or God's way would be for prudes....hello? Have you read the Bible? I hadn't. I had no clue. I had no idea that if you follow God's plan for sex in marriage ONLY that it could be so much better. I had no idea that God commands us to have sex almost contantly! We are only to obstain to pray for a short time and then rejoin so as to not be tempted by Satan? Read the book. Be transformed. I think this book or any book on this topic should be a must for any young couple deciding to get married. Heck, it should be earlier introduced to kids that question sex, so that they truly understand what God had planned...and to abstain not to be a prude, but because the best is yet to come. Renew your mind. Change your attitude. Enjoy God's gifts. These are lessons I have had to learn.

5 out of 5 stars

This book has Biblical answers to very private questions. July 15, 1999
50 out of 52 found this review helpful

For too long Christians have looked to the world for our view of sex. It's time we looked to the One who created it. This book is not fluff or an instant solution and it is frank enough to make many women blush. If you are willing to turn the most personal aspect of your marriage over to God, reading this book is a great place to start. I wish I had read it when my husband and I were first married. It would have saved me years of wrong attitudes and mistaken beliefs. I especially appreciated the scripture to back up every point. The 21 questions in the title are definitately questions that my Christian friends and I have thought about, but didn't know where to go for answers. I can't wait to share this with other women.

2 out of 5 stars

A dissenting view July 5, 2000
49 out of 154 found this review helpful

Having read another book by Linda Dillow that I found very helpful (Creative Counterpart) I decided to order this one, expecting to have my eyes open to meanings of scripture regarding the marital relationship that would help me fulfill my role as a wife. This didn't happen. I was so disappointed with the book that I discarded it at a local book sale the day after I read it. Looking back, I think I should have discarded it in the trash. The attitude that anything goes in a marriage that isn't explicitly denounced in the Bible seems a bit foolish to me yet it is one that keeps popping up time and time again in Christian literature. There are many gray areas in the Bible that can become blurred in todays world. An analogy would be dressing modestly. We are told to be modest in our attire, but just what is modest attire? To the Amish there is one standard, the rest of us are left to "do what is right in our own eyes" in this area. And for the most part, today's Christian women fail in this area. Often you will not notice a difference in the way a Christian woman dresses today when she is compared with an unbeliever. Thus the Bible's statement to dress modestly, leaves us with the responsibility to know just what that is, and I believe that comes with growing in grace and wisdom. The fact that the Bible does not explicitly state that blue jeans and tank tops are immodest, doesn't mean that they aren't. A notion I have begun to take to heart lately. What does this have to do with sexual relationships in marriage? I think that Christians are crossing that same line in this area as well. Reading this book, we are presented with what is suppose to be a novel idea-that sex between marriage partners is nothing to be ashamed of and should be enjoyed-and then we are given ideas on how to enhance this area of our lives. What the book fails to do is take the area of sexual relationships between a Christian man and wife to a higher level than that of any modern day sex primer. Naturally, anything created and done according to God's laws is good and brings a sense of well-being, the question is, just what is good and pleasing to Him. The book never really is able to offer Biblical proof for example that oral sex is sanctioned by God. yet gives full support for the idea that this act is okay simply because it is not explicitly prohibited by the Bible. Much like the question of blue jeans and tank tops, the reader is left to do "what seems right in his own eyes" . There has to be a better way to find out what pleases God than simply saying "if it isn't explicitly prohibited in the Bible, then go for it". There also has to be more to the marriage relationship than seeking carnal gratification.Christians need a sex primer that is able to powerfully explain just what is acceptable and pleasing to God and WHY it is acceptable with sound theological arguements, otherwise we are left to do "what seems right in our own eyes" and this will lead to more and deeper sin since we are prone to sin. This book did not leave a lasting impression on me with regard to the statement by Paul to not take a wife as the pagans do, in lust, but rather in a holy and honorable way. Just what is a holy and honorable way, how does it DIFFER from the way of the world. I found no difference , between what is stated in this book, and what can be commonly read in any woman's magazine today. Sexual union causes two to become one, and "where two or more are gathered in my name, I am there in the midst of them". Thus sexual union between two Christians should indeed be a holy and honorable experience if Christ is there in the midst of this union between husband and wife. I for one am not willing to settle for what the world has already offered to me, mere physical gratification. As Christians, let us seek to know the fullness and richness of this gift God has given us. I think it goes much deeper that what is offered in this book. It is my hope, that in offering this dissenting view, that some will at least question the notion of anything goes in marriage, or that it is simply about physical gratification. Marriage is not a license to sin And the marriage bed is honorable only if it is kept undefiled by immorality. We as Christians today need to truly seek to know what is moral from what is immoral in regard to all things. Be it modest attire, business transactions, sexual union between husband and wife, and virtually all areas of our lives. Don't take the easy road that if it isn't explicitly forbidden it is okay. Seek to grow in grace and wisdom. I hope to find a book someday written by a Christian man in this area, that displays a powerful witness for the Lord for Christian spouses today. I don't think women should be teaching in this area. We are prone to deception.

5 out of 5 stars

Hope For The Next Ten Years of Marriage and Sex September 30, 1999
37 out of 41 found this review helpful

This wonderfully written and detail-specific book has transformed not only my sexual relationship with my husband but my image of myself as a Godly woman trying to walk wholly with the Lord. Linda and Lorraine speak frankly about attitudes and relationships, both with my husband and with my God. I did not expect a book on sexuality to have such a deep impact on my spiritual walk but it makes sense for it to have this effect now - it's an area of my life I was trying to work on without the Lord and failing miserably. I'm looking forward to doing this as a group Bible study with other women from my church. Whether you're really struggling with sexual issues or just want to move on to a new level of intimacy with your husband, this book is for you.

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