|
| He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys (The Newly Expanded Edition) | 
 enlarge | Authors: Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo
Creator: Lauren Monchik
Publisher: Simon Spotlight Entertainment
Category: Book
List Price: $21.95
Buy New: $5.82
You Save: $16.13 (73%)
New (53) Used (36) Collectible (1) from $5.79
Avg. Customer Rating:  827 reviews
Sales Rank: 1507
Media: Hardcover
Edition: Expanded
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 208
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.6
Dimensions (in): 8.3 x 5.6 x 1
ISBN: 141694740X
Dewey Decimal Number: 306.7
EAN: 9781416947400
ASIN: 141694740X
Publication Date: December 26, 2006
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Condition: SHIPS TODAY!! BRAND NEW BOOK
|
| Also Available In:
|
| Accessories:
|
| Similar Items:
|
| Editorial Reviews:
Product Description
For ages women have come together over coffee, cocktails, or late-night phone chats to analyze the puzzling behavior of men. He's afraid to get hurt again. Maybe he doesn't want to ruin the friendship. Maybe he's intimidated by me. He just got out of a relationship. Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo are here to say that -- despite good intentions -- you're wasting your time. Men are not complicated, although they'd like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages. The truth may be He's just not that into you. Unfortunately, guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman "You're not the one." But their actions absolutely show how they feel. HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU -- based on a popular episode of Sex and the City -- educates otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn't like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship. Reexamining familiar scenarios and classic mind-sets that keep us in unsatisfying relationships, Behrendt and Tuccillo's wise and wry understanding of the sexes spares women hours of waiting by the phone, obsessing over the details with sympathetic girlfriends, and hoping his mixed messages really mean "I'm in love with you and want to be with you." HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU is provocative, hilarious, and, above all, intoxicatingly liberating. It deserves a place on every woman's night table. It knows you're a beautiful, smart, funny woman who deserves better. The next time you feel the need to start "figuring him out," consider the glorious thought that maybe He's just not that into you. And then set yourself loose to go find the one who is.
|
| Customer Reviews: Read 822 more reviews...
 Wooing and pursuing November 10, 2004
680 out of 865 found this review helpful
This breezy book, written in trendy language with large print and lots of white space, is a fast read. As a disclaimer, I don't watch Oprah or SATC but I see from previous reviews that Oprah gave the book a big sales push.
First off, girls, we have intuition and the overwhelming majority of us KNOW when someone is interested and when he is not. Regardless if he's brash or shy, bombastic or sweetly soft-spoken, pushy or retiring, we know. Men cannot be lumped together into one "he" just as women cannot be one "she".
Secondly, we women are "hard-wired" for connectedness; thank God for that, or the human race would not continue. If you're one of those who beats herself up for getting emotional, and for dreaming of nesting with a man and nurturing children, stop it right now! There is no guilt involved, there is no shame. Remember even Gloria Steinem, famous for her statement, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle," eventually did marry.
The third point is a caution: Many women are attracted by the players, those bad boys, who seem to promise so much fun, adventure, and romance, but who often are too immature to deliver
what we women are seeking. The book's author, Greg, seems to know a lot of those guys! Yes, ladies, chemistry is vitally important, but there are many good guys who will make your heart zing, so don't bother with the bad ones. That's the core message of this book: Don't bother with the bad ones. Don't "waste the pretty" by agonizing over player-behavior.
Fourth point, cannot be emphasized too strongly: Some male reviewers have already written well about this. Men like women. Take care of yourself, use perfume, smile and be friendly to everyone whenever and wherever. Life is full of surprises. You may "meet cute" as in the movies, so be ready!
Fifth, a wise old folk saying: "He chased her until she caught him." Let your radar guide you, girls, as men are individuals and cannot be treated all the same. Generally, however: do not be overly needy, do not stalk or bombard with phone calls or gifts, but do be warm and responsive and always interested in what interests your guy. Let it develop naturally between you, let trust grow along with love. You don't need to become cynical, and you don't need a formula, and you don't really even need to read yet another book! Respect yourself, don't warp yourself into knots trying to follow some rules or be someone you are not. Remember, men LIKE women. Just keep showing up!
 Overdue and universally applicable September 25, 2004
653 out of 697 found this review helpful
This book really isn't just for women, and it really isn't just about relationships. True, it focuses on empowering women to say "Hey, I'm worth more than this and I'm not going to settle" which is a wonderful thing to realize, but it really goes beyond relationships. We are conditioned to work hard (and, as an unfortunate side effect, suffer) for everything in life - jobs, material possessions, etc - and when love or money or other things we want don't come to us, it's easier emotionally to justify and/or make excuses as to why we're not getting what we feel we deserve when we want it. Whether it's the attention of a man (or woman) or a promotion at work, the power of this book is that it tells you in no uncertain terms that YOU are the only one who will suffer if you continue to cling to something that wasn't meant to be.
The authors have really stumbled on to something good here - what I took away from this book and will continue to remember is that life is too short to pine for things that aren't meant to happen. Who knows how many great things pass us by because we're too busy worrying about getting something or someone that just wasn't meant to be. Read it and weep, if you must, but then also be glad that - if you apply what you've learned and make it your mantra - it's the last time you will cry over a love or aspiration unrealized.
 No, I'm afraid this book isn't correct... September 29, 2004
167 out of 216 found this review helpful
Men are simple, that much is true. But this book isn't correct. Let me tell you my own (short) story. I was a single guy, dating occasionally, enjoying the city. Couple of times I met women and began to get serious, only to get dumped/burned and hurt.
Then I meet a great girl and this time I think "better slow right down, it it's to be, it'll be". I made the first call, but after a dinner or two, I got on with my life and waited for an occasion where we were with mutual friends again. I should stress that I wasn't playing games, just protecting my heart.
Result? Five years of happy (with ups and downs) marriage later, two beautiful boys and a gorgeous wife I'd support in all she does and wants to be.
Behrendt on the other hand, would have you believe that my not pursuing her like a dog on heat meant I wasn't interested.
The lesson? No idea. But I guess what's meant for you, won't pass by you.
 Every Possible Fallacy is In this Book October 1, 2004
143 out of 176 found this review helpful
The author has several logical fallacies in this book. It is truly awful how popular this book has become. The following are the logical fallacies that hopefully anyone who reads this book will be able to recognize (or just avoid buying this entirely to save your brain cells):
1. Confirmation Bias - He only accepts opinions and examples from those that agree with him and dismisses all others. One cannot build a sound basis for understanding male behavior from only people who agree with your preexisting theory.
1a. Statistical Sampling Error - He limits his observations to those he is acquainted with. There are more men on earth than the ones that live in his neighborhood. Also, there are just a bunch of anecdotes strung together in this book. There is no empirical research. He wouldn't even know how to conduct research. As he said on Oprah, "he's just a dude."
2. Apples & Oranges - Just because he found the love of his life and called her and treated her great does not mean that ANYONE else on earth will be in this same situation. Conversely, just because he treated women badly does not mean all men go through life playing those games and treating women badly. He is comparing himself to ALL men - One apple to a LOT of oranges.
3. Appeal to the imaginary - The idea of the soulmate is something that is created by the movies / media and perpetuated in this book. Though there is no (and never will be any) proof that anyone has a soulmate, the author's conclusions are based entirely on the fact that "when you find the soulmate, he will not treat you badly." Since the soulmate is an imaginary concept, one cannot expect to find him. Most people in this world are be forced to compromise into relationships with people that are less than their ideal since there is only 1 denzel washington to go around. He refuses to accept that anyone has to compromise - further perpetuating the unrealistic and unhealthy expectation that everyone is going to find their "perfect match"
4. Reduced Complexity is not Accuracy - To give people another 1-liner that will supposedly solve all their problems like "Don't eat Fat," "Don't Eat Carbs," "He's just not that into you," is not an accurate thing to do. Whether it is weight loss or relationships, no issue is so simple as to be reduced to 1 line - yet we all wish it was. So, we're very tempted to buy into it. Yes, there are times when carbs are bad for you or when "he just isn't into you," but accepting this black & white 1-line ideology to solve a complex issue can do more harm than good.
5. What Cause is Has What Effect - The author's life changed dramatically in the time between his poor treatment of women to now when he he treated his "soulmate" well. The fact that he found this amazing woman may not be the only "cause" for the "effect" (the "effect" being the fact he treats her well.) He made a lot of money and considerable time passed here as well. He frequently uses examples that men say they are "too busy" for relationships, and that this is a falsehood Well, before he made his big bucks, I have to assume he was quite busy as well trying to make it in Hollywood. After establishing himself, he had more free time, correct? So, his security and income is what made him available to treat a woman well. Yes, he met a great woman, but can we conclude that the woman alone inspired his behavioral change? No. Too much changed during his lifetime. So, when he implies that men who say they are "too busy" are lying - one simply has to look at his life and understand that driven men who are in the early phases of their careers ARE going to be more busy than those that are established.
Unfortunately, this is yet another pop culture book that will sell like mad yet has absolutely nothing of value.
Simple Solution to a Complex Problem October 1, 2004
110 out of 129 found this review helpful
H.L. Mencken once said: to every complex problem there is a simple solution--and that simple solution is INVARIABLY WRONG.
I agree. This is just another of those pop-psychology books that holds that a few versions of a simple statement ("he's not that into you") has an application in every situation. Nevermind that the author does not hold a Doctorate, Masters, or even a Bachelors in Psychology. Nevermind that he would've flunked Psychology 101. Nevermind that the only reason his book is a bestseller is because of the Oprah Factor.
The truth of the matter is that we men are just as complex as you women are. The author simplifies his own sex, based on his own simplicity and that of the men around him (all his evidence is anecdotal). But even if 95% of men out there really are mindless robots, 5% of us are thinking, feeling human beings, which is, after all, the kind of man you women want. That kind of man does not follow the childish, immature behavior this author lays out, and if you behave like how the author tells you to, he won't be interested in you.
Let me give you an example. Soon after I met a girl, a good friend of mine died. As a result, the girl was a low priority for me and I really didn't pay attention to her. If she had said "He's not that into me," we would've went our separate ways and never seen each other again. Instead, she called me, asked me out on a date, and then asked me what was wrong. It was a sincere, touching gesture, and I never forgot it. In fact, she is my girlfriend now, and every step of the way she had communicated with me with the same sincereity and emotional grace. That's the way to win over a man.
Ignore this book and all other books that claim to teach you the "secret" or "rules" to fullfilling relationships. Be gracious with yourself and the people around you, and communicate with sincereity. Then maybe you find that dream guy some day.
As for me, I'm taken.
|
|
|
Powered by Associate-O-Matic
| |
