In simple, straightforward terms, Beattie takes you into the territory beyond codependency, into the realm of recovery and relapse, family-of-origin work and relationships, surrender and spirituality. With personal stories, hard-won insights, and activities, her book teaches the lessons of dealing with shame, growing in self-esteem, overcoming deprivation, and getting past fatal attractions long enough to find relationships that work.

"Melody Beattie is an American phenomenon . . . She connects with age-old quests for self-improvement and rebirth. . . [And she] understands being overboard, which helps her throw best-selling lifelines to those still adrift."
Time

"[This book] goes beyond how we hurt to how we heal."
Veronica Ray, author of Choosing Happiness

A lot of insults have been hurled at the concept of "codependent" over the last several years, and I suspect that most of it has to do with the fuzzy definition of the word itself, and the somewhat "vague" nature of recovery from this condition. In other words, you know an alcoholic has "recovered" when they stop drinking, a drug addict has recovered when they stop taking drugs, a kleptomaniac has recovered when they stop stealing, and so on. . . . But what exactly is a codependent and how do you know when you have recovered from it? What *observable affects* can be measured? Basically, a "codependent" is a person who believes their happiness lies in another person and then becomes obsessed with controlling that other person. That is the definition Beattie provides in her first book, and if you weren't satisfied with that definition or explanation, then you won't be satisfied with this book either. BEYOND CODEPENDENCY is geared toward people who have accepted the author's premise, and who are ready to follow her toward her description of what recovery means. The author indicates that one knows they have recovered from codependency when they stop seeking for approval in others and are content with their own appraisals of their self-worth.

Suffice it to say that this is not exactly "scientific" in that it cannot be observed and replicated in a lab, and even I, a lover of Beattie's work for years, still find the whole category a little fuzzy and am not sure if it is the main problem to be focused on (I believe "codependency" is only one aspect of other more vital issues, and is not the main issue itself). But this book is uplifting and I find Melody Beattie inspiring. If you enjoyed her first book, and you enjoy books that feel supportive in a rhetorical sense, then you will probably enjoy this book.


This saved my sanity...   June 27, 2000
 25 out of 25 found this review helpful

Wonderful book. It pointed out so many things that I wasn't aware were co-dependant issues that I have. Helped put the answers of why I do the things I do that for so long I lacked. She helps you no longer feel alone. Good book for anyone who is ready to face this and stop it.


Helpful book for codependents and those wishing to avoid it   December 4, 2004
 21 out of 21 found this review helpful

While I have not read the author's other works, I thought this a very valuable book in and of itself. It sheds much light on the topic and helped me to become sensitized to the (once the book was read) obvious signs of codependency in people. By doing this, it enabled me to avoid situations where I could become codependent in a relationship. I think that, as in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, there are levels of psychological situations and/or problems. Thus, there may be people inherently inclined towards codependency, but there may also be people who are thrust into it due to the demands of others. The latter may find this book incredibly helpful in avoiding such relationships and in helping their dependent person seek real help vs. codependency from another person. There are also a number of great quotes by the author in this book. A few are:

p. 70: "It's hard to feel compassion for someone while that person is using or victimizing us."

p. 71: "If everything looks black, we've probably got our eyes shut."

p. 164: "Who we're in a relationship with says as much about us as it does about them."
Earnie Tucker (quoted by Melody Beattie)

Codependency is not something to make light of, it's as much (if not more) the codependent's problem as the dependent's. As Caroline Casey humorously noted in "Making the Gods Work for You" (Harmony Books NY 1998), on page 72:
"What do codependents see when they die? Someone else's life flashes before their eyes."


Very interesting insights!   October 12, 2003
 12 out of 12 found this review helpful

This book explains to us that, unfortunately we are not in our relationships just for the sake of "love". There is a lot more that explains why we are together with the people we are together with. It tells us about he "Hows" and "Whys" of ourselves and our relationships. It is painful to learn these things, but learning these things is the only way we can shed our next layer of skin and more on with our personal development. If you are in tune with your real self, many of these things the authors says in this book will click inside. If you'd like another great book on this topic, I suggest you read "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato. It is even better in the way it explains the patterns we develop both in our minds and in our relationships. I'm sure you will love it if you like to really learn about relationships.