"Henkin and Holiday have done erotic explorers a wonderful favor. Their useful book is concise and clearheaded in all things SM. But the most radical concept for many will surely be the notion to simply have fun." - Mark Thompson, editor of Leatherfolk

I've actually recomended this book more often than my own. That's because you're holding what is without doubt, one of the finest and most useful books on BDSM ever written. It can help you distinguish between looking and seeing. Not for skimmers........this one is soul food. - Guy Baldwin, M.S. author of TIES THAT BIND and SlaveCraft

Henkin and Holiday offer a very useful book about BDSM for mainly beginners in the scene but also for anyone who just like staying on top of opinions about BDSM. The book is well organized with a glossary right after a good discussion of special terms used in BDSM. Likewise sample negotiation forms are found at the end of the chapter where the procedure is explained. The largest section of the book concerns safety but not necessarily the kind you might find in "On the Safe Edge" or "Learning the Ropes". Here the focus is on learning about yourself first, learning about your partner second, and then how to explore BDSM. Throughout the idea that BDSM is primarily a pleasureable partnership is embraced and indeed in my personal experiences the best SM or Ds relationships are partnerships. Neither Henkin nor Holiday say that their way is the only way but they give solid reasons for their opinions and make suggestions based on years in the scene and as scholars and educators. This is definately a book I have proud to have in my library and one I recommend to people new to BDSM. - TammyJo Eckhart from kinkybooks.com

There are a number of "introductory SM books" on the market now and what I like about the well-written ones is they way they handle basic SM topics. This book is no exception to this rule.

It not only covers common SM topics, such as "playing safely" (with detailed descriptions of playing with various SM "toys), but also contains sections on who you should or shouldn't play with, and also contains a book, magazine and online resource section.

I loved the glossary of SM terms contained in the book and their chapter on "Defining and Demystifying the Language." They also call make a point to define the difference between consensual play and abuse.

I also liked their section called "On Doing Psychotherapy in the Dungeon." They point out SM can be therapeutic, but not to do actual "therapy" in play. Good point!

A well-written book with lots of good information.


Simple language serves up reality for beginners   May 22, 2001
 37 out of 39 found this review helpful

Henkin and Holiday offer a very useful book about BDSM for mainly beginners in the scene but also for anyone who just like staying on top of opinions about BDSM. The book is well organized with a glossary right after a good discussion of special terms used in BDSM. Likewise sample negotiation forms are found at the end of the chapter where the procedure is explained. The largest section of the book concerns safety but not necessarily the kind you might find in "On the Safe Edge" or "Learning the Ropes". Here the focus is on learning about yourself first, learning about your partner second, and then how to explore BDSM. Throughout the idea that BDSM is primarily a pleasureable partnership is embraced and indeed in my personal experiences the best SM or Ds relationships are partnerships. Neither Henkin nor Holiday say that their way is the only way but they give solid reasons for their opinions and make suggestions based on years in the scene and as scholars and educators. This is definately a book I have proud to have in my library and one I recommend to people new to BDSM.


Tremendous   August 13, 2001
 27 out of 31 found this review helpful

"Communication is key at every stage" the authors sensibly suggest, so I think I'll sound Marjorie out rather than simply giving her the book out-of-the-blue. It's a marvelous guide, either for those experienced in the joys of S&M like myself or beginners like I hope my wife will be. Practical tips are given matters such as toys and techniques, and guidance is even given for building and equipping your own dungeon. We might even explore that possibility when Jonathan's departure for college in October frees up a bedroom. All in all a fantastic guide.


Very worthwhile   March 22, 2000
 17 out of 18 found this review helpful

This book is written by two experienced SM people, one of whom is also a psychotherapist and a sexologist, and it does a very good job of covering the basics (and some of the not so basics) of SM. It is written in a readable, straightforward style.

It covers the basic SM safety practices of limits, consent, negotiation and safewords. It also covers how to do basic SM practices such as whipping, spanking, bondage and hot wax.

It includes good material on finding partners and on the SM scene, although since it was written the newsgroup alt.sex.bondage has changed to soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm

It has exceptionally good material on spiritual SM and on tantric SM.

There are shorter books on the subject and longer books but this is a good medium sized book.

Other good books in this area include "Screw the roses send me the thorns", "SM 101", "The Sexually Dominant Woman", "Learning the Ropes", "Safe Sane Consensual and Fun", "Ties That Bind", and "SM Classics".


Beautifully Done!!   December 18, 2001
 15 out of 15 found this review helpful

Written by two long time members of the SM community, Consensual Sadomasochism offers a great "intro" to consensual power exchange play. The authors display a considerable breadth of knowledge and a wonderfully tolerant and open attitude toward all forms of BDSM play. The book is easy to read and follow and covers SM "basics," including fundamental concepts like safe words, limits, negotiation, and consent. The book contains good, if somewhat limited, descriptions of basic SM play (bondage, spanking, clamps, etc). There is also a good section on finding partners and how to find the SM community, along with a bibliography.

The authors did a wonderful job putting this book together.