It's Not Your Fault, Koko Bear: A Read-Together Book for Parents and Young Children During Divorce (Lansky, Vicki)

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Editorial Reviews:

Amazon.com Review
How do you talk to your children about your divorce? How can you best handle their responses? Here's a children's book and parenting tool rolled into one. It's Not Your Fault, Koko Bear is a picture book designed to be read by parents to their children. Koko Bear's parents are getting a divorce, and Koko, a preschool-aged unisex bear, isn't happy about it. "I don't like this divorce. I don't want two homes," Koko says. Koko Bear's story doesn't minimize kids' pain, but it doesn't wallow in it either. The message is positive: children are reassured that their feelings are natural, that their parents still love and will care for them, and that the divorce is not their fault. At the bottom of each page, there are bullet points for parents that give information and advice about what the kids are going through, and the best way to handle each issue as it arises. (Ages 3 to 7 and parents)

Product Description
This easy-to-understand children's story and parenting guide is intended for families where both parents plan to stay active and involved in their child's life. "It's Not Your Fault, KoKo Bear" revolves around a lovable bear who doesn't want to have two homes. KoKo's experience will help children learn what divorce means, how family life will change, and understand that the divorce is not their fault. Full color Ages 3<-7. Pub: 1/98. .

Customer Reviews: Read 18 more reviews...

1 out of 5 stars

A Sad Example February 23, 2002
28 out of 81 found this review helpful

As a psychotherapist, I got this book to work with children who were struggling through divorce. This book normalized and legitimized divorce. It at no time emphasized adult problem solving nor that marriage is a contract of two consenting adults through good and bad.
Children are misled to believe they can identify a short term resolution of the horrible feelings of divorce (by a child). As a therapist it is always a lifelong scarring that is not resolved.
Indeed the first 11 year old girl I read this with, remarked that it made no sense and at no time was realistic to the process she had gone through years earlier. A sad example of political correctness run amok.

5 out of 5 stars

Indispensable book for young children August 1, 2003
25 out of 26 found this review helpful

This is a wonderful book and I am grateful that it was written and published. My kids have had this book read to them by both me and my ex-wife at both of our homes, and it made a difference to them. It teaches them that the divorce is not their fault, which is a surprisingly tenacious thought pattern. I read it to my kids 3-5 times a week for several months, and still remember my daughter's exclamation when she truly processed that the divorce was because of the parents and not the kids, "Ohhhhhhhh!"

I am purchasing this book for a second time because after not having read it for many months, I passed it on to a friend with a youngster who is divorcing. We then moved to a new house and my 8 year old is going through many of the divorce emotions again, and she specifically requested this book and said "I love that book".

There is one excellent page with nothing but drawings of Koko Bear showing him feeling different emotions. Instead of asking your child how they feel, which they often cannot explain (heck even adults have trouble!), you can have them point to a picture of Koko Bear and then talk about that emotion.

This book will not make the pain of divorce go away, but it provides a good way to learn that what they are feeling is normal and appropriate, that they are not alone in feeling the way they do, and that life will be okay even if it is not what we want.

4 out of 5 stars Too direct and too much details about divorce.   July 15, 2002
21 out of 24 found this review helpful

I've recently bought this book to help my three year old toddler understand about his emotions. But the two times I've read it to him, he always seemed uncomfortable, which I've never seen him experiencing this before. He couldn't stay still each time I read this book to him. This book is too direct, and too much details about the divorce issue that they're making my toddler uncomfortable each time I read this to him at bedtime. I don't think this book is helping him much with easing his emotions at all. He likes the "Mama and Daddy Bear's Divorce" book instead. And each time I read that to him, he'd always ask me to read that book over again. He's comfortable with that book.

5 out of 5 stars A must-read for pre-school kids of divorce!   October 18, 1999
18 out of 19 found this review helpful

This book hits home the message that divorce is not a child's fault, and that parents still love them, though now they are a family apart. My child was only 18mos. during that difficult marriage problem/separation period, and two years later raised many questions why Mommy and Daddy were divorced. This book helped to answer those important questions, and gave me excellent "talking points" to utilize.

5 out of 5 stars An Absolute Must Read Book - Its a Goldmine   December 15, 1999
16 out of 16 found this review helpful

Located in a small community, resources are non existent for a parent seeking help in dealing with divorce and its effects on children. I am so glad to have found this book. It allows the child to associate and identify on his or her own. I purchased several other books on the subject, but nothing came close for this age group. I would suggest Lansky's book, "Divorce Book for Parents" as a must as well.

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