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| Blood Noir (Anita Blake Vampire Hunter) (Anita Blake Vampire Hunter) | 
 enlarge | Author: Laurell K. Hamilton
Creator: Cynthia Holloway
Publisher: Brilliance Audio on MP3-CD Lib Ed
Category: Book
List Price: $39.25
Buy New: $24.53
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Avg. Customer Rating:  287 reviews
Sales Rank: 1569274
Format: Audiobook, Mp3 Audio, Unabridged
Media: Audio CD
Edition: Library
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.2
Dimensions (in): 7.5 x 5.4 x 0.6
ISBN: 1597378984
Dewey Decimal Number: 813.54
EAN: 9781597378987
ASIN: 1597378984
Publication Date: May 27, 2008
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Condition: Brand new audiobook! Delivered direct from our US warehouse by Expedited (4-7 days) or Standard (usually 10-14 days but can be longer). Expedited shipping recommended for speedier delivery. Over 1 million satisfied customers
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Product Description
Jason Schuyler is a werewolf. He’s also one of Anita Blake’s best friends, and sometimes her lover. And right now he needs her – not to be a vampire hunter, or a federal marshal, or a necromancer, or even for her rank in the werewolf pack, but because his father is dying. He needs Anita because she’s a pretty woman who loves him, who can make him look like an everyday guy, who agrees to go home with him and help him say good-bye to the abusive father he never loved. The fact that Jason is about as much an everyday guy as Anita is a pretty woman is something they figure they can keep under wraps for a couple of days in a small town. How hard can that be?
Really, by now, Anita Blake should know better.
Marmee Noir, ancient mother of all vampires, picks this weekend to make a move. Somehow she has cut the connection that binds Anita and Jean-Claude, leaving Jean-Claude unable to sense what is happening. Dangerous even as she sleeps, buried in darkness for a thousand years somewhere beneath the old country of Europe, Marmee Noir reaches out toward power. She has attacked Anita before, but never like this. In Anita she senses what she needs to make her enemies tremble…
“What The Da Vinci Code did for the religious thriller, the Anita Blake series has done for the vampire novel.” – USA Today
“[A] wildly popular paranormal series.” – Entertainment Weekly
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| Customer Reviews: Read 282 more reviews...
 Bloody bad "Noir" May 28, 2008
553 out of 609 found this review helpful
Imagine the horribly malformed love-child of "Days Of Our Lives," Anne Rice and some really bad Mary Sue fan fiction.
That is the most accurate description I can think of for "Blood Noir," the fifteenth novel in the Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series. Since it's a rather lame little novella pumped up to novel size, Laurell K. Hamilton spins up artificial drama and endless sexual angst that never really goes anywhere or does anything, but fills up plenty of pages. By the end, you'll be wondering what the point is.
Werewolf stripper Jason drops by Anita's house to whine that his estranged dad is dying, and he's broken up with his girlfriend because she wanted monogamy. Three guesses which is considered more traumatic -- monogamy or cancer.
So Anita comforts him the only way she knows how, and then agrees to pose as his girlfriend so he can prove to his dad that he isn't gay. Apparently his family is more worried about his sexuality than about his being a werewolf. But when they arrive, Anita finds that Jason is one of several look-alike men in his hometown, and one of them is a wealthy engaged stud who is having an affair with the wife of a local Master vampire. This, needless to say, stokes up lots of bad feelings.
It also causes a few personal crises, as Anita finds out that weird tabloid rumors in St. Louis are jeopardizing Jean-Claude's position, and local vampires are gunning for Jason because he looks just like his cousin. Unfortunately this is only the start of her problems, since the ancient vampire matriarch Mother of All Darkness is waking up -- or I should say, STILL waking up after several books -- and causing yet more trouble for Anita.
For your information, "Blood Noir" was originally a novella. But while the page-count has expanded to that of a full-length novel, Laurell K. Hamilton fails to expand the story along with it -- it still has a novella-sized plot, which appears to have been cribbed from the wastepaper basket of a hack TV writer. We've got lookalikes, confusion, family drama, and embarrassing headlines. Even the name of Jason's cousin -- Keith Summerland -- sounds lifted from a soap.
And Hamilton is pretty clearly making it up as she goes along, throwing in plot twists and contrived crises whenever the slow-moving plot starts lagging. Unfortunately she doesn't actually deal with the fallout of these twists -- most of them just putter out and never really get dealt with. Presumably Hamilton either got tired of writing and wanted to wrap up the book, or she didn't want to write any dramatic scenes that don't involve lots of orgasms, bodily fluids and Anita.
While there isn't as much plotless sex as in some of Hamilton's other books, sex is still the sole driving force of "Blood Noir." Breakups, personal crises, metaphysical problems and threats are all handled by Anita's sex'n'powers combo -- and even in the sex-free portions of the book, the characters' sex lives are what propel things onward.
And sadly, those people's sex lives are more ludicrously silly than genuinely sexy. Anita has inexplicably become a tabloid celebrity more famous than A-list starlets, and Keith's fiancee is only able to identify Jason by staring at his penis. I wish I had made this up, but I couldn't.
Anita continues to be a standard Mary Sue self-insert -- she's abrasive as a power sander, smart as a cinder block, adored and feared by all around her, and develops a new supernatural power every time she sneezes. Comically enough, her sex life is apparently the stuff of national interest now, despite the fact that she basically doesn't do anything to warrant anyone's interest except collect vampires and werebeasties for her expansive harem.
Thankfully that harem is rarely glimpsed in this book, and it's soon obvious why this is a good thing. The supposedly suave Jean-Claude has become needy and clingy, the appallingly creepy Nathaniel acts like a pimp, and Jason has been transformed into a self-absorbed slut who treats non-Anita women like sex toys. And Hamilton takes yet another pot-shot at Richard, dragging him into the plot just so Anita can remind us why we are supposed to hate him. Doesn't work.
"Blood Noir" is neither noir nor bloody, and the thin plot is stretched to the breaking point with lots of bad sex, whining, and plot twists that stupefy rather than shock. Truly ghastly -- and not the good way either.
Absolutely Dreadful May 27, 2008
275 out of 313 found this review helpful
I'm only 13 chapters into it thus far, but this is probably one of the worst things I've read in a long time. I'm actually pretty tempted to return it without finishing and I've *never* done that before.
The first four chapters are nothing more than an extremely poorly written sex scene between Jason, Nathaniel and Anita - sentence structure is lousy, the sex is boring and I think it's becoming increasingly clear that LKH really knows nothing about the BDSM scene. At one point, Anita actually says her safe word...and Nathaniel *ignores* it. And that's ok?? It's not even close to 'ok'. It's dangerous and it's stupid. I'm not even a follower of the BDSM lifestyle, but even I know that much.
I can't buy the premise very well either. Jason's dad is sick and dying of cancer...ok. He needs to bring a girfriend home to prove he's not gay? Uh...ok. He looks *just* like his complete asshat of a cousin to the point that the media won't leave him alone and no one believes he's not his cousin? Not so much.
The dialogue is also pretty lousy. Jason's lines make him out to be a begging puppy, at least as far as Anita is concerned. It's embarrassing and not much of a turn on. I also find it odd that as soon as it's decided that Jason's going to take Anita home with him, all the other men start getting bitchy. "Wait...I've never met *your* family." *sob* "I'm 400 years old, my family is dead...I've never even brought them up in the last 15 books, but oh! You'll never get to meet them now...blah blah tragic fishcakes..."
Pet peeves: LKH has a tendency to overuse certain words and phrases quite a bit in her books. Thus far it's the word "breathy". *shudders*
*ahem*
That's all I have so far...when I finish, I'm sure I'll come back and add something. Strangely ironic that the cover has a pair of scissors on it...'cause that's probably what you'll want to take to this book when you read it. (Or your eyesockets, whichever is handier)
Crap! May 27, 2008
231 out of 277 found this review helpful
I got my hands on an advance copy from a friend. All I can say is this: What the hell has Laura K. Hamilton done to this series? I have been an Anita Blake fan for years now. I own the entire series. I enjoyed the Strong Independent Female character. What she has become in the last several books is a travesty. I'm not a prude and sex is great-but it has it's place. I don't get off on repeated, meaningless, badly construed orgies with EVERY Tom, Dick and Harry. It's become tiring and lethargic to read this crap and I think this is where the series ends for me. Hamilton should take a lesson from the Sookie Stackhouse novels, that have actually gotten better with each book and feature a lead who sleeps with ONE guy at a time. Like most of us who don't charge for it. Let's hope she doesn't screw up the Merry Gentry series too.
TOO THROUGH!! May 27, 2008
70 out of 86 found this review helpful
I did not purchase this book. I got it from the library. Having said that, I am glad that I did not purchase this book.
I read it cover to very short 340 pages worth of cover. Happy not to have paid for such a small amount of material and there was nothing new. No new advancement of plot. And I'm sure there are people out there who will say the minute bits of scenes with the Mother of All Darkness did advance the plot, but nope not really.
And one more Richard sappy, whiny moment! I mean did we not go through this in Cerulean Sins, Incubus Dreams, Danse Macabe, the Harlequin. Yup, go back and read and you will see that indeed it is feeling like Groundhog's Day where the Richard moments are concerned. I mean I'm fine with the ardeur. Gain ever evolving powers, but do you ever do anything with them but chase imaginary creatures away in your head and body? How many times must she pass a new beast on to another person? Read & done. YAWN!
Does Anita even work anymore? Is the business still even open? Micah works more than she does. He's always away on coalition business.
A little zombie raising & mystery solving goes a long way and this way nothing of the sort comes.
Take a long rest Laurell. Noone needs this sorry excuse of a novel every year. I don't know if your publishers put that in your contract, but dang it go on strike until you can get some of your mojo back. Solve some crimes, find some mysteries. Anything but what you have been doing will be great!
She does it again.... May 28, 2008
65 out of 80 found this review helpful
**NOTE** THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS
First things first.....
To anyone who bashes those who feel that Laurell K Hamilton ahs sold out from writing a strong, femmale lead and turned the stories into B level porn, grow up. If you continue to be a fan of the series, good for you, but save the drama for your mam or better yet save it for Ms. LKH because her books are sadly lacking it and have been since Obsidian Butterfly.
I will say I still read the series and will likely continue to because its like a train wreck or better yet, like reality TV; you want to look away because its just horrific, but you can't seem to roll down your eyelids and scream ENOUGH!
I started this series years ago and loved each and every one up untill Obsidian Butterfly and then...all heck broke loose.
As a fellow writer I understand the selling out-hey, her new "writing style" attracted a following that helped make her big enough to gain a riduclously long book deal with the AB series and then another spinoff with the graphic novel series for AB. Money talks and I GET THAT. No issues there, but what irritates the kool-aid out of me is when she and her cronies claim "its for the growth of the character." BS. Yes Anita B has done soem growing but the strong , ruthless woman she was gets lots in the sex and LKH I fel, has been turning her into a pseudo super hero as of late with ehr gaining powers like a Master Vamp and making it so eventually, nothing she comes up against will be bigger r badder than she is. One of the early Anita's charms was that she knew all too well she was human and the limitations that imposed so she worked at being tough. Now its just natural and a bit false.
But thats my rant. lets get onto the book shall we?
It was bad. Plain and simple. After her last book "The Harlequin," i had hopes for this one but unfortunately it fell flat. I loved that Jason had a starring role because I have always liked him, but too much just seemed a stretch in this book, like LKH was running out of ideas. That might be why the book was so much charter than Incubus Dreams and some of her mroe recent books.
The whole "mistaken identity" aspect seemed a bit trite even when it was explained in a "DOH so THATS IT!" moment at the end. Extremely contrived and just a way to se up the events that needed a basis to fly off of.
Werewolf stripper Jason drops by Anita's house to whine that his estranged dad is dying, and he's broken up with his girlfriend because she wanted monogamy. Instead of a well written scene comforting while clothes, this opens the book with a three-way. Now yes I know that LKH LOVES to sex it up lately so that didnt bug me but it did in the sense that it seemed a little forced and Nathaniel suddenly being dominant..just seemed off base especially since in the last books he still wasn't a top. But cest la vie.
Anita comforts jason andagrees to pose as his girlfriend so he can prove to his dad that he isn't gay. But when they arrive, Anita finds that Jason is one of several look-alike men in his hometown (cue the contrived mistaken identity thing again), and one of them is his wealthy engaged cousin whom he "always got mistaken for" and who he is mistaken for again, landing hima nd Anita in the middle of a Vamp turf war because said cousin is banging the Master Vamp's wife.
It also causes a few mini crises, as Anita finds out that weird tabloid rumors in St. Louis are jeopardizing Jean-Claude's position. (hence making her and Jason realize they must be "punished" to secure Jean Claude's standing. Eventually its agreed upon they all 'come out of the closet" so Jean Claude just looks like a bisexual Machevellian to the "Council" rather than a straight chump who cannot control his. Apparently if he shares Anita's men, then she is not really running around on him.... Cue ground work for MORE sex and three ways in the next book. At least we will see more of Asher and he is always a delicious hot mess.) Meanwhile local vampires are gunning for Jason because he looks just like his cousin.
Marmee Noir also makes a reappearence, dragging the weretigers into the mix which i did find an interesting twist and I HOPE that LKH takes that opportunity to build a STORY rather than just another partner in AB's bed.
Maybe LKH just needs a break. She's so close to making this a 20 book series and most never make it that long for a reaso; you start over-complicating simple plots and oversimplifying plausibly complicatesd ones.
Richard shows up to be the whiney boy we have all come to love to hate and lo and behold, HE gains a new power, cries about it and then leaves muttering as the violins play, about what a monster he is.
Jean Clause played a cameo. He seemed to be growing back the backbone AB ripped out and I hope he becoems the devilish Machevillian manipulator once more. He was thw ultimate bad boy and this new monk status of his is just a no go, especially when you see how ruthless the other Masters they've coem into contact with lately, are.
Anita didn't do it for me in this till the end when she showed more of the old Anita in how efficiently she handled a mess and saved the day. But the "I'm so torn-because-I-don't-know-if-I-just-want-to-bone-him-or-fall-in-love-with-him" dialogue is OLD. I udnerstood it for Jean Claude, then Micah then Nathaniel but now Jason too?
Essentially the whole book was summed up with: "Jason and I would never be one another's one and oonly but we might always be each other's once in awhile."
It took 336 pages for AB to come up with the same conclusion Jason voiced early on in the book "they're friends with benefits." Subsequently, he is the only character I liked in the book because he remained true to himself-he grew up a little but remained Jason in essence.
At this point it seems LKH ismaking it up as she goes along, throwing in plot twists and contrived crises whenever the book lags (and it DOES lag)but most of those twists don't get handled. They just fade aay like the Master of the Vampire crisis with Jason's cousin Keith. He just "mysteriously died."
I WILL admit there isn't much sex in this book-just that first opening scene, then AB and Jason and later an orgy none of them remember so its not described to us in 4chapters (THANK GOD!) BUT with that said...Breakups, personal crises, metaphysical problems and threats are all handled by Anita having sex with somebody-when of course her sex life isn't nationally covered.
All in all the title was great, but the book sux. As said earlier, I will continue to read her books, either by getting them through the library or buying them and then RETURNING them for the ultimate fakeout. Call it my silent rebellion.
All I can say is
Anita Blake...where ARE YOU?!!!!
"
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