For many years, I have dealt with folks who wanted to learn to converse and make friends. When one is brought up with those skills, it becomes difficult to enumerate exactly what it is we talkers do. When I read, "How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends," I said to myself, "Yep. This is a lot of what we (and many other people strong in this area) do." Gabor has organized and put into outline form the most basic principles of conversation and friendship initiation. And that is a whole lot more helpful than saying, "I don't know. We just do it!"

Gabor also allows for differing personalities and relational styles. Although we may have to leave our comfort zone (in time, change becomes comfortable), we need to be who we are and converse with others based upon who they are.

Please understand that this book is limited in its scope. It can help people initiate friendships, but it does not direct one toward relational depth. This book can help folks make a number of casual friends but not necessarily close friends. For deeper communication, I suggest William Backus' book, "Telling Each Other the Truth," a volume that addresses matters like conflict resolution, honesty, etc. Gabor's book is not really intended to guide you into relational depth. It does a great job for its intent: helping you chat better and initiate the early stages of friendship. For some folks, their instincts may kick in at that point. Others will need to study further.

The other limitation of this book (and there is no way to avoid it) is that the directives can be overwhelming because of their sheer volume. My advice is to choose a few areas to work on. Once those practices are incorporated and become second nature, then it is time to add a few more. In a sense, the book is arranged in order of importance, with the early chapters being the most crucial to master. I recommend starting at the beginning.

In addition to Gabor's insights, I suggest hanging around and imitating those who seem to have it together in these departments. There is nothing quite like seeing conversation in action and then telling oneself to "go and do likewise." It may seem awkward at first, but, in time, it can become second nature. Some folks (who have difficulty choosing the right words) might even consider practicing a conversation in an empty room, almost memorizing a script.

On quotable section reads, "Most shy people take the passive role when it comes to starting conversation. They wait and wait and wait, hoping someone will come along and start a conversation with them..."

He emphasizes that communication consists mostly of body language, then tone or voice, and, lastly, words.

Here is some simplistic but crucial advice, "Use plenty of eye contact, smile, and, above all, keep your arms uncrossed and your hands away from your face."

The book consists of 15 chapters divided into 4 sections. The sections are: Starting Your Conversation with Confidence. Continuing Your Conversation with Wit and Charm, Ending Your Conversation with a Great Impression, and Boosting Your Conversation to the Next Level.

The last chapter lists his 50 main points, some of which include, "Be the first to say hello, Introduce yourself to others, Show others you are listening by restating their comments, and Beware of open and closed body language."

This book is not rocket science (though filled with details), but it is a good place to start. Although I consider myself strong in the conversation department, I admit that I did pick up a pointer or two. Go for it.


Step 1- Accept you have a problem, step 2- read this book!   June 9, 2003
 166 out of 171 found this review helpful

Now before anyone can change how they are they have to accept they have a problem and to really want to change it. Once I realized that I had few friends and I had trouble commmunicating with others I went on a journey to find help. I found help in this book.

"How To Start A Conversation And Make Friends" explains all of the simple things which can be done to have an outstanding effect on your relationships. With this book you learn how to master the art of conversation. By doing this you get to have more friends and better friends. People will like you more and you will find people you like.

I noticed that I was being a much better conversationalist after reading the first few chapters! The book is very easy to understand and I flew right through it. Although it is easy to understand it has a lot of info so you have to pay attention to every tidbit. I reviewed a few chapters cause I felt I may have missed something important. When reading the book I found myself saying "Why didn't I think of that?". Everything just seems so logical. We have so many opportunities we just miss and we make people think we don't want to talk and we fail to see how foolish we are. Who would have thought that a smile, a nod of the head, and having open arms would make people approach you! Its so simple and yet we fail to do it. Why didn't I learn this in school?

I often feel like I am talking too much about myself. I will ask questions to show interest for other people, but I still feel like I am being egocentric when the conversation ball is in my hand and I am talking about myself. I don't think the book addressed this..

Regardless of the fact that it did not address everyting I highly reccommend this book to anyone who often finds themself at a loss for words, feels uncomfortable while talking, is shy, or just wants to have better conversations. Buy the book and refrence it when you feel that your conversations have problems.

Reading this book completely changed my life. I have more friends and I feel better about the friends I have. They seem to like me more and I am learning a lot about them which I like.

tip: You can view the first two chapters of this book on amazon.com for free just go to the picture of the cover and click "look inside". I bet you that these two chapters are enough to make you want to read the book and even be a better conversationalist! If you didn't get anything out of reading these two chapters then I would guess this book is not for you.


Too Vague   July 6, 2005
 59 out of 66 found this review helpful

I read this book at the local Barnes & Nobles. I thougt I was getting something out of it because the ideas the author was talking about sounds very interesting.

I was greatly disappointed because throughout the entire book, I found no actual example of dialogues, NONE. It's like saying "BE frindly at first every you meet a person" and it does not tell you how to be friendly nor any example of conversation.

Don't waste your money, I recommend this one instead:

Conversationally Speaking : Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness
by Alan Garner

Thanks for reading


not the best self-help   January 14, 2004
 51 out of 53 found this review helpful

The self-improvement books How to Win Friends and Influence People and Talking the Winner's Way are both way superior to this short book. Most of what you read is basically review if you've ready other similar books. And what's present doesn't pack enough substance or "how to" to make it really worth your time. About half-way through the book, Gabor started presenting fresh ideas. The problem, however, is that it was half-way through the book. Not a bad read, but there's so much better. If you happen across it one day on the street, it won't do any harm to read it. But I can't recommend paying money for something you already know, or can get for a better deal.


Helpful for anyone who has trouble conversing   September 5, 1999
 36 out of 42 found this review helpful

This book gives you tips on what to do to start a conversation and be able to continue it. I have tried most of the suggestions and they work good. You should buy this book if you don't feel confortable talking to others.