In this book, Chapman is teamed up with best-selling author Ross Campbell, who has written some very successful books on relationships with children. The premise of this book is that the love languages are not only applicable to the adults in your life, but to your children as well, and can in fact have a major effect on their behavior and happiness.

The book begins with a general discussion of love languages, some stories illustrating the dramatic difference that utilizing the knowledge of love languages has made in some parents' relationships with their children, and an overview of the book. Chapman and Campbell then discuss each love language in a chapter of its own, complete with real-life examples of each love language in the lives of parents and children.

The book then launches into a discussion of discipline (do NOT use a form of discipline related to your child's love language, warn the authors), as well as a brief discussion of the effect that the love language theory can have on your adult relationships (for a more in-depth discussion, see Chapman's "The Five Love Languages"). There is also quite a long discussion of "passive agressiveness" which I thought to be a bit overkill, but I'm sure is very important in the treatment of the topic (I have a feeling that this is co-author Ross Campbell's pet subject).

The information in this book is very powerful and has the potential to radically alter your relationships with your children, as well as anyone else in your life. The testamonials are very convincing, and the fact that this book, as well as others in the "Love Languages" series have enjoyed such wild success is a testimony to their effectiveness. My only complaint really was that some of the writing occasionally tended toward the cheesy side, and that often I was aware of the differences in the voices of the two authors. These are unimportant complaints, however, and do not deter me from recommending the book highly!

This book would be useful reading for any parent, no matter the quality of relationships within the family, as well as anyone else who is dealing with children on a regular basis (teachers, grandparents, babysitters, etc.).


Adds another dimension to communicating effectively   July 25, 2001
 96 out of 98 found this review helpful

This outstanding book addresses how each child (adults as well) expresses and receives love best through one of five primary "languages" - quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. Although children need to be spoken to in each of these love languages, there's one love language that meets their deepest emotional needs and should be used often with them (and authors caution how you use that language for discipline). The information in this book complements books that address communicating with children based on their temperament (such as "Raising your Spirited Child" and "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka). I also appreciate that the author included an informative chapter on "love languages in marriage", instead of just a one-liner encouraging readers to buy his book dedicated to that subject.

Bottom line - Even if you've read tons of parenting books, you will truly learn something new from this one - something to enhance your relationship with your child and adults in your life. You'll probably even learn something about yourself.


Is the Love You're Giving What Your Child Is Receiving?   October 7, 2003
 69 out of 69 found this review helpful

Chapman, with co-writer Ross Campbell, M.D., have written The Five Love Languages Of Children, which applies the love language theory to children. How can you tell your child's main love language? Chapman offers these suggestions:

1. Observe how your child expresses love to you.

Chapman and Campbell: Watch your child; he may well be speaking his own language. This is particularly true of a young child, who is very likely to express love to you in the language he desires most to receive.

I've seen this with my own 4 1/2 year old. Noah will come up to me or my husband, and try to engage us in a wrestling match. Or he'll pat our arms, give us a hug, etc. He has shown us that his main love language is that of Physical Touch!

2. Observe how your child expresses love to others.

If you notice your child making crafts for relatives, or wanting to take presents to classmates or teacher, this may indicate that her primary love language is Gifts.

3. Listen to what your child requests most often.

If your child often asks you questions like "How do I look, Mommy?", "What do you think of my drawing?", or "Did you think I did well at practice today?", this pattern may indicate that his love language is Words of Affirmation.

4. Notice what your child most frequently complains about.

Frequent complaints such as "You never have time for me", "Why don't you play games with me?", or "We never do things together" would be indicative of the need for Quality Time.

5. Give your child a choice between two options.

Chapman and Campbell suggests to lead your child to make choices between two love language. For example, a Dad might say to his son, "I have some free time Saturday. Would you like me to fix your bike, or would you rather go to the park together and shoot some hoops?". The choice is between Acts of Service and Quality Time. A mother may say, "I have some time tonight. Would you like to go shopping, and I'll help you pick out a new outfit, or would you rather stay home and we'll do a puzzle together?" You've given her the choice between Gifts and Quality Time.

Chapman and Campbell explain: As you give options for several weeks, keep a record of your child's choices. If most of them tend to cluster around one of the five love languages, you have likely discovered which one makes your child feel most loved. At times, your child will not want either option, and will suggest something else. You should keep a record of those requests also, since they may give you clues.

Of course, the choices you offer your child will depend on age and interest.

I highly recommend this book for understanding your child's own unique love languages, and how you can better fill his or her "love tank"!


Unbearably banal   June 22, 2004
 59 out of 109 found this review helpful

I have difficulty imagining a parent reading this book and exclaiming, "Of course!" "I'm supposed to *hug* my child!"

I'm going to do you an enormous favor and list the five 'Love Languages' discussed in this book.

1) Touch your child (hugs, etc...)
2) Talk to your child (words of encouragement)
3) Spend time with your child
4) Encourage giving
5) Encourage receiving

That's it! Somehow, the authors (amazingly, it took two) managed to fluff this into an entire book. As you'd expect, it is devoid of content - just inane observations any decent parent should understand instinctively. There is no hard research, no references to studies or books, well... except Bible quotations.

This is cheap, sickly-sweet, pseudo-therapy for empty minds. Skip the book and spend time with your kids.


Revolutionary Parenting Advice!   March 15, 2000
 48 out of 48 found this review helpful

This book has revolutionised the way I communicate with, and discipline my children. Within the space of three days my three year old has gone from being difficult for me to deal with to being a pleasant child who responds to discipline in a positive manner. Our home has become more of a haven than a battlefield! Learning to communicate with my children in their primary love language has been the BEST thing that has happened to my parenting, and to their self esteem. I would highly recommend this book to any parent of young children. I will certainly be re-reading it through the years of their lives.