I disagreed most with the idea that it is generally a good idea to allow children to cry as long as it takes to get them to sleep at night. Will this method do long term psychological damage? The author says no, and I agree that is probably correct. Okay, so the child won't be delinquent as a teenager, or hate you as an adult. But as a parent, my question is which method is easiest on the child in the short term, as well as being effective in the long term? Frankly, I don't want my child to be unnecessarily miserable, even if it's only for a few nights. Further, I simply couldn't listen to screaming cries for any length of time without intervention.

For the parent interested in sleep "training", I think Dr. Richard Ferber offers a better method. Even Dr. Weissbluth admits Ferber's method's work- he simply thinks they may be too difficult for some parents to apply. Well, I think a little more difficulty may be worth while if the child has an easier time.

Oddly, Dr. Weissbluth claims to have no problems with the "family bed". However, I find his family bed advice confusing, and most of the tips he offers throughout the book seem to be incompatible with the practice. If anybody is practicing the family bed, they should definitely go with Dr. William Sears, whose advice is much more compatible with that arrangement. Dr. Sears is also a good choice for those who find Dr. Ferber too harsh and want the gentlest methods possible.

I tend to disagree with the view of some "attachment parents" that babies always develop the sleep habits that are best for them. There are babies who simply need parental leadership here, and there are also babies whose habits are disruptive to the family. So if parents think their baby has a problem, they should read several books about the topic, and adapt the different views to their personal situation and temperment of their individual child. I think that will lead to a better solution than reading just one book and treating it as a bible.


Strong Sears supporter recognizes wisdom in Weissbluth also   July 26, 2001
 261 out of 297 found this review helpful

UPDATE --

I re-read everything I wrote previously and it's all still true -- I think Weissbluth knows about that which he writes, but never forget that YOU know your own child best. I lost a lot of sleep over this book three years ago because I tormented myself for "failing" my son when it "wasn't working." Give yourself more credit! That said, my three-month-old daughter is a textbook sleeper for the most part. She is the one that I was convinced didn't exist when my son was this age. I've been able to put her down awake 75% to 90% of the time since she was born without her crying at all. To be honest, I'm still somewhat shocked about it. This just reinforces that the best path is to respond to your individual child's needs as best you can because each is SUCH an individual. I handle my daughter the same way I handled my son regarding attached parenting and sleep and she just "gets" going to sleep much more so than he did.

What also intrigues me is how spot-on the sleep patterns are -- my daughter's naps are still all over the map despite my attempts to adhere to a routine when possible, but when she's down for the night she's down -- with a few nighttime feedings, naturally, as she ends up in bed with my husband and me. My son still goes to bed early at almost 4 years old, gave up his nap early (2 1/2) in favor of earlier bedtime (6:00 then, 6:45ish now) and having the evenings "free" really works for my husband and me -- family time is in the morning. Do what works for YOU, your kids, and your whole family -- that's the most important thing!

Original review --

I have been a mom for six months now and I've learned more than I would have imagined. Most importantly I recognize that nothing in life is as straightforward as any book makes it out to be and it took me a long time to come to terms with that. I have waited for the day that I could write a review of this book reporting my AMAZING results. I decided to write now instead!

My son slept in bed with my husband and me for the first five months. We did it because we believed that was where a baby should be, and it worked for all of us. My son also did all his napping in a cloth sling. As he grew, this started NOT working for us, and I did some serious soul-searching.

I consider myself an attached parent. I have difficulty bearing my son crying, ever. If my son would have been able to continue napping with me I would have done it. But he didn't. Every time I would put him down, he would immediately wake up, either at bedtime or for a nap. It got to the point that he would go 12 hours during the day without any sleep at all and only be able to get to sleep at night nursing. He wasn't a raging beast, he just seemed like he needed more sleep. My gut, my instinct said sleep was important and that he wasn't getting it. Especially when people said, "When he needs to sleep, he'll sleep!" Not my social butterfly!

I wholeheartedly support attachment parenting, especially sleeping with your children -- as long as it works for everyone. My husband wasn't comfortable with the idea of our son in our bed for the long haul, so we decided to try Weissbluth's book upon many friends' recommendations.

I believe Weissbluth knows what he is talking about. I have observed my son for two months now and can see the periods of wakefulness in his arousals at night, the maximum time he can be awake without becoming overtired... all these things make sense and I have seen them in my son. He now takes two naps (which vary in length daily) and I put him down awake. I also put him to bed awake at night. MOST of the time, this works without causing him distress. Sometimes it doesn't, and we both cry for a while.

As I said at the beginning, I waited to write a review so I could report a "perfect" result... Life isn't perfect. When my sweet baby needs to sleep, I try to help and let him take it from there. Most of the time he gets there without getting crabby; sometimes he's ticked. Life is like that. I don't think I'd be doing him any favors if I wasn't consistent.

You know your own child. If your child needs you, you know. If your child is overtired, you know. This book will help you slowly but surely figure out how to keep your child from being overtired and most of the time it will work. I still have trouble coping when he has trouble getting to sleep, but certainly all of us are in better spirits more and more often, because my son is much more well rested.

I absolutely believe sincere effort to observe your own child and watch his or her cues is the key -- you want to give your child what he or she needs. All parents do. Sleep is a big need. Good luck!




Cruel and Unsafe   August 4, 2000
 119 out of 149 found this review helpful

The whole philosophy of the book is that children's need for sleep takes precedence over all other needs of the child: need for security, (Maslow), need to develop trust (Erickson), and other basic needs like breastmilk and water.

Weissbluth's definition of a sleep problem is when the child not sleeping becomes a problem for the parent. His solution is that up to four months, parents should meet the babies' needs for cuddles, feeding, etc. After four months, he advocates letting the baby cry it out for however long it takes until the baby stops crying and goes to sleep. The parents are not to check on the baby or pat it's back or talk. When asked "How long should I let my baby cry?", he replies, "to establish regular naps, and consolidated sleep overnight, there is no time limit." p.134 "We are leaving the baby alone to forget the expection to be picked up."

The most offensive part of the book in on page 157 in the 4 month to 12 month age, where he replies to a mother whose baby is so upset, she vomits: "If the vomiting always occurs, I think you will want to always go in to clean her promptly and then leave her again. If the vomiting is irregular and occasional, you should try waiting until after you think she is deeply asleep before checking, and then quickly clean her if needed."

The parents are not to check to see if the baby choked? They are advised to make her fall asleep in her vomit? What if her body is dangling from the crib slats? What if she has a tummyache, or is hungry or has a thread wrapped around her toe? The parents are just supposed to ignore it until she gives up sobbing in desparation?

Weissbluth also makes statements in the book that are not backed by studies:

Letting a baby cry for hours on end without soothing, reassuring, or picking up, does no emotional damage in the long term.

Kids become independent by being ignored and learning to meet their own needs by self soothing, rahter then by being nurtured ny parents and having their needs met quickly.

Kids that demand more emotional/social time with parents are called "bratty".

Temperment can be changed by sleep increases. A child's behaviour is not linked to temperment, but is linked to the amount of rest they get.

Parents have ultimate *control* over their child's sleep. They are not just facilitators of sleep, but can make their children go to sleep.

Breastmilk and formula are just as satiating because of the similar calorie count. (He discounts that breastmilk is easier to digest and therefore breastfed babies can be hungrier through the night. )

Adults who are addicted to their lovers, probably had Mothers who couldn't allow them to separate, self soothe, or grow. p.236

A nine month old baby has the cognitive ability to "stick it to his Mother" and planned out ways to manipulate her. p.218

Infants that have every need met are left with "undischarged aggression". The infant is robbed of desire because his every need is anticipated and met before being experienced. p.78

"Two and a half hours of crying is normal during a sleep training program. " (The baby is two months old.) P. 97 to 99

The need for attention and soothing at night is not a need, but a want, like the desire for candy. p. 164

This book is not only cruel but dangerous. A parent who can ignore her babies crys in the midst of vomit for hours on end, is not going to be a nurturing, responsive parent during the day. The need for attention, food, soothing, cuddles and security are basic needs of babies and children. Sleep is also a need. As a responsible parent you can find ways to give your child both.


Horrifying!   September 24, 2004
 118 out of 154 found this review helpful

I can't believe that this book is being paired with "The No Cry Sleep Solution"! They are on opposite ends of the spectrum as far as philosophies go.
I was first impressed by Weisbluth's use of charts and research etc. and I agreed with his premise that babies need sleep. It is our responsibility as parents to make sure that babies get the sleep that they need even when they want to stay up and play until they're ready to drop.
My approval for what he was saying changed dramatically when one of the success stories he used was of a family that let their son cry for an hour and a half. They had to close two doors between them and the nursery and sit in another part of the house to endure the screaming. When their son did fall asleep, they found that he'd fallen asleep standing up hanging over the rail of the crib. He cried for an hour the next night, once again falling asleep hanging over the rail. After a week their son fell asleep with "minimal" crying and only backslides occasionally.
This is a success story?
That is horrifying!!
My concern is that these "sleep experts" are measuring success as a child going to sleep without a lot of crying and then sleeping through the night. I don't think that they're taking the whole child into consideration. What about the child who is then clingy and fussy the whole next day after 90 minutes of crying the night before? What about the child who wakes up a few times during the night - do you let them cry for another 90 minutes? What about those of us who've tried the "cry it out" method and then have a child who is terrified of the nursery at night because they know what's coming?
If all you care about is throwing your kid in a crib at 8:00 so you don't have to deal with them until the next morning, then it seems as if giving them a sleeping pill would be more humane. Hey, parenting isn't a part-time job! It will involve nights and weekends.
I do recommend Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution", however. She acknowledges that different kids have different personalities and that not all children require the same amount of sleep. She also has suggestions for parents who want to keep their babies in bed with them (Attachment Parenting) but don't want 15 wake-ups during the night. Her book was far more humane and took into consideration the fact that what happens at night has repurcussions for the next day as well. She doesn't offer a quick-fix but encourages patience and love and compassion.


Not for every family . . .   August 25, 1998
 94 out of 149 found this review helpful

I feel compelled to write because this book has gotten such rave reviews here. I have to say that this book really irritated me. I read it with high hopes of help with my daughter's sleep problems and came away very disappointed. First of all, Dr. Weissbluth seems like he really dislikes kids. There are some statements about "fussy, bratty" toddlers who don't sleep well who may grow up to be "fat kids" that are incredibly mean coming from a pediatrician. The author implies that his method will work with every child and if it doesn't, it's the parents' fault. Actually, it's the mother's fault because she has deep seated psychological problems that prevent her from appropriately separating from her baby or she hates her husband. Seriously, I felt guilty for about two seconds after I read it (an uncharacteristic lapse that was probably due to severe sleep deprivation) and then I laughed. This just doesn't work for my daughter and it isn't my fault or my husband's fault. All of the examples in this book are of children that responded to the "technique" within a day or two. He says that you may have to let your child cry as long as three or four hours (!!) before they get learn that it's "sleep time" but he never gives an example of a family that was able to withstand that kind of torture. All his examples are of families where the child cried for 30 minutes the first night but went right to sleep the next. It's totally unrealistic. I think the worst thing about this book is that he says in several places that you have to put your child down, close the door and not come back until morning (no matter how much your child protests) and you can't be inconsistent on that point. In other places he says that it's perfectly normal for some children to wake up once a night for a feeding but he doesn't tell you how to go to your child to feed her without being "inconsistent" about responding to her cries. He also implies a causal relationship between ADD in children and poor infant sleep habits but never shows how his methods have helped children "prone" to ADD at all. All that being said, he does make some good points about the importance of good sleep for people of all ages and the scientific studies are interesting. I know that for some children, his techniques work - I have a couple of friends who swear by it. For other children, like my daughter, who are strong-willed and refuse to be "trained," it just doesn't work. Read it if you must but do not let Dr. Weissbluth make you feel guilty if it doesn't work for your family. The scary thing is that we almost used Dr. Weissbluth as our pediatrician - I should give thanks that he doesn't take HMO patients!