Now, at age 6, he is talking a lot, reading even more, and is a happy, joyful, confident child, far from the stereotype of his disability. I believe that much of his positive emotion and self-esteem comes from knowing that his feelings are understood and respected, despite the communication barriers we face. Those are gifts I was able to give him because of the strategies I learned from "How to Talk..." We still have a long road to travel, but so does every parent. But rest assured, ALL of Faber and Mazlish's books will be making the journey with us.


A must for all parents   December 10, 1999
 35 out of 35 found this review helpful

I first heard Adele Faber talk at a college near my home when I was pregnant with my first child. Everything she said made such sense! She really struck a chord with me. I immediately went out and bought this book, and read it cover to cover. I parent by the principals of this book, and I'm convinced my child is socially and emotionally happier and healthier because of it. I re-read it at least once a year, and always give it as a gift to new parents. This book is the "holy grail" of parenting, and anyone who influences a child's life, including teachers, babysitters, etc. should read this book.


Good book, but not so easy to follow   May 22, 2001
 35 out of 38 found this review helpful

I just read this book and -- though it it's right on the money in its attitude towards childrearing -- it doesn't describe the mechanics of how the "listening" and "talking" skills work as well as Thomas Gordon's Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.).

P.E.T. has a chapter called How to Listen so Children Will Talk and another called How to Talk so Children Will Listen. I wonder how the autors of this book got away with borrowing the title for their book straight out of some chapters in another (the original P.E.T. was published years before -- the one at stores now is a new edition).

Lest it sound like I'm slamming this book, truth is it's not a bad read at all. But for an in-depth explanation of how these skills can be put to daily use, I'd go for P.E.T. Better yet, read both.

Even better yet, first read Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman to get an idea WHY these skills are so important to a child's development, then follow it up with P.E.T. and this book.


Some good advice, but not quite my style   February 16, 2003
 29 out of 34 found this review helpful

I have two small children (2 and 4) and I was looking for some practical advice on discipline, etc.

This book has some good ideas in it. I like that it recognizes the child as an individual and recognizes that they need to have their own opinions on issues directly pertaining to their lives. It has some great ideas on how to rephrase some of your "lectures" so a child doesn't feel attacked.

However, I don't like the amount of freedom the authors want you to offer to your child. I am NOT an overly strict parent, but I think that the adult has the final say and that sometimes you get to override a child with "because I said so" when the issue truly is not open for discussion.

I also had to stop reading at one point near the end when the authors were discussing praise of a child who sat the dinner table correctly and without having to be asked. The mother was telling the father what a good job the son had done and remarked that he "even remembered to get you your beer." Need I say more?

This book has quite a few good individual ideas but the package just really isn't my style.


Good book, geared towards parents of older, more verbal kids   June 8, 2005
 28 out of 30 found this review helpful

I would have given this book three and a half stars if possible, it's been a great addition to my collection. My only complaint is that the techniques in this book seem much more appropriate for slightly older children, probably those seven and above. The general premise is that children can be disciplined more effectively when they are shown respect, when your feelings/their feelings are taken into account, and when they are encouraged to develop autonomy and problem-solve for themselves.

The suggestions in the book seem great for older kids in terms of developing independence, learning to take responsibility, experiencing logical consequences for their actions, etc. For very small children, it seems like some of the advice on giving the child more information and talking about your feelings would make things unnecessarily vague. This also seems true about the author's objection to using punishment. Natural consequences and talking things out seem like a better alternatives for older children who can better rationalize and understand the logical consequences of their actions. The use of prevention paired with immediate, brief consequences for true misbehavior seems like the more developmentally appropriate choice for tiny children who can get lost with a lot of explaination and may not be able to extrapolate your meaning when things aren't stated directly. There are also a lot of good strategies for small children (use of routine, visual schedules for transitions, etc.) that aren't touched on here. A lot of the advice on active listening, positive reinforcement, etc., does apply to small children, though. Overall, highly recommended for kids seven and up, recommended as a compliment to additional reading for younger children.