A reader from Dallas states: "Use this book with great caution. If you want nightly habitual feedings, crying for response, and other stressful habits built into your child, use this book." That's pretty scary sounding, but let me present another scenario: My wife and I have let our child (now two years old) share the bed with us since he was born and it has been an unmitigated pleasure throughout. Except for rare occasions, he has always slept through the night, has never needed a bottle to get to bed, and has never shown any signs of being unusually "needy". Also, my wife did not have to get out of bed to breastfeed him when he was still feeding at night [Newsflash: Pretty much ALL babies feed during the night when they are very young infants - don't blame that on co-sleeping]. Now that my wife is pregnant again, we have transitioned him into his own room with absolutely no fuss. In contrast, my sister has never let her baby sleep in bed with her and the baby used to get up twice a night for a year and a half. The point is this: there is no right or wrong way, and there are no guarantees; babies are all very different, they're not little robots. We let our baby sleep with us because we LOVED it, and we will do it with our next one. The Sears state very clearly that you should do what you are comfortable with and that there is no right or wrong way. They just ask people to be OPEN to the idea of co-sleeping and to question those who so confidently state that it is wrong.

[By the way, those who condemn it have zero scientific evidence to support their claim. Think about it: Modern day humans have been around for 2.5 million years. For 99% of that time we have been foragers and hunter-gatherers. Do you think we would have survived if sleeping with your children was "wrong"? Foraging and hunting tribes don't carry around cribs with them.]

Anyway, my point is that the Sears definitely do NOT say that there is only one way to put your kid to sleep.

A reader from New York asks: "Will co-sleeping wane in popularity as parents tire of sleeping with twin 5 years olds and an 8 year old and word gets around on the difficulty of ever getting the children out of your bed?"

That's a good question. I have a few questions of my own. Have you ever tried it? Do you know for a fact that it is difficult to get kids out of bed and into their own beds? Do you think that the Sears really suggest that all of your kids should sleep in the parents' bed, regardless of age? Did you see the part in the book where they say that you should do what you are comfortable with and what makes the most sense to you?

The bottom line is that the authors clearly and refreshingly state that mothers and fathers know a lot more about raising their children than they are given credit for. Rather than telling prospective parents that YOU MUST sleep with your baby or YOU MUST breastfeed, the overall effect of their book is to say YOU CAN sleep with your baby regardless of what society tells you and YOU CAN breastfeed if you want to maximize your baby's health and the bond between mother and child. Of course, no one HAS to do anything, but it's nice to have alternative sources of information.

Thanks for listening.


Key word here is "attachment"   April 2, 2000
 68 out of 102 found this review helpful

I dislike this book, although I think it makes some great points about the benefits of such things as breastfeeding. I liked the Searses' book on birth as well: a great resource. Those 2 things being said, this book has a limited usefulness for parents who do not buy into the "attachment" theory of parenting, which my husband and I do not. In particular, I found their chapters on "wearing your baby" and "nighttime parenting" to be ridiculous. In my limited experience (1 child, 9 weeks old at this writing) wearing or carrying your baby around all day leads to an exhausted baby. This is because he hasn't been left alone to fall into deep sleep. The Searses discuss that babies light sleep for a period before deep sleep. What they fail to address is that if your baby is attached to you throughout the day he will keep waking up while in light sleep and never get to the deep sleep he needs. This results in a baby who is screamingly tired by the time you try to put him down at night. Now, just in time, the Searses expect you not to hope that your baby sleeps through the night, but instead to parent him through the night. This involves lots of getting up to spend time with him as he moves through light sleep and possibly opens one eye to see you hovering nearby. All of this certainly lets your child know that you can't live without him, but, as far as getting him the restful sleep he needs, I'm less certain it does the job. My 9 week old son, the kind of baby strangers on the street feel pressed to tell me looks so happy and alert, spent 3 weeks a la Sears, before we realized that none of us were sleeping enough to make 1 person rested. Now, 6 weeks later, he goes into his crib for each nap during the day and for his 7 hours of nighttime sleep with a smile. After playing and being snuggled by his parents for every waking moment, he yawns as we put him down, grateful that the grownups are leaving him to catch some rest. He wakes up cooing to himself, not crying. The Searses seem to think that any method other than theirs results in hours of listening to your baby cry in a fruitless effort to "train" him to sleep; this is not the case. It is also not true that the only babies that sleep through the night are in books; one is sitting next to me right now, listening to classical music and talking to his stuffed lamb. In conclusion, the Searses' parenting theory is not for everyone. If it doesn't work for you, don't be afraid to throw it out and try something new.


Excellent book. If buying just one baby book - this is it.   June 10, 1999
 59 out of 68 found this review helpful

I read through the other reviews. I am a full time working mom. I went back to work at 9 weeks. Because my child was MOSTLY bottle fed during her 3 week stay in the hospital after birth (She had meconium aspiration induced pneumonia), she ended up with nipple confusion. So i'd say she gets 50% breast milk and 50% formula. Yet, despite the fact that i'm a working mom who doesn't exclusively breastfeed, I did NOT find this book to be annoying or lacking in compassion. Sears paints one version of an ideal parenting style. I don't believe anyone has all the answers. We have to go by instinct, experience, and of course, solid sound advice. I follow attachment parenting as best I can under my particular circumstances, because my MOTHER did so. They didn't call it that in 1965, nor did they really advocate it - but she did it, and she continues to do it as my child's care provider during my work-day. I found Dr. sears's ideas to be a cold refreshing drink of water. He encouraged me to follow my instincts as a parent. So much of the literature that i've read has made me feel badly about things that instinctively seem *right* (co-sleeping, picking up baby whenever she cries, spending lots of time holding baby) and whenever I get into that funk, I pick up his book and I feel great. I think my sister brother and I are excellent products of attachment parenting. I hope my daughter feels that way about herself when she grows up!

FWIW - I am a full time working mom who partially breastfeeds, and who is an atheist. Yet I am able to read through this book and find common ground without finding Sears to be judgemental or lacking in compassion.